


Decline

by caldera32



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Dementia, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-27 17:23:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 19,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6293218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caldera32/pseuds/caldera32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had started out small: forgotten words, misplaced glasses... Later he'd think back to that first time they'd met and wonder if the disease had begun its work even then.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LFB72](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LFB72/gifts).



> Written for LFB72 who also came up with the idea ♥

Merlin returned from serving Arthur's dinner to find Gaius chopping something, a small pot boiling over the fire. Sitting across from his mentor, he saw it was autumn crocus leaves being minced into fine pieces. Autumn crocus is poisonous, but small amounts of it make for an effective gout treatment. Merlin couldn't imagine what he would need this much for.

"What's all this?"

"Wild garlic for tonight's stew." Gaius swept the greens off the table and started making his way to the cauldron in the hearth.

"Wait!" Merlin sprang in front, pushing Gaius back toward the workbench. "That's not wild garlic, Gaius..." The leaves were similar, but Gaius was well aware of the differences. "Smell it."

The physician sniffed at his hands, brow wrinkling in confusion when he failed to sense the telltale odor of garlic.

Merlin spotted the remains of arnica and nettles in a bucket and guessed at what had happened.

"Gaius, did you make some of your gout tonic today?"

The elder frowned, still staring at his hands as he sank onto a stool. "I... I don't remember. I intended to?"

Merlin didn't like that uncertainty. He emptied the basin into the waste bucket as Gaius washed the green from his hands.

"Ehm... just... sit, yeah? You must be tired; I'll take care of dinner."

Gaius nodded, still clearly upset by what had happened - of course, Merlin was too. If they'd eaten those leaves there would have been no antidote for the toxins. He'd seen someone die after ingesting autumn crocus; it was not something he wanted to experience ever again. Even the arnica could be poisonous if that had also found its way into the "stew". Either way, he couldn't take a chance.

"I'll be right back." He used a hook to remove the pot and carry it to the privy, carefully disposing of the contents. A trip to the outside pump and the pot was ready to contain something more edible, but it was too late to be putting a stew on now. Instead he swung by the kitchens and made up a plate for Gaius, claiming the king had demanded seconds. He wouldn't get a full meal for himself this way, but he pocketed a piece of bread that would be enough when combined with an apple Arthur had thrown at him earlier.

When he opened the infirmary door Gaius was rifling through the cabinets, muttering to himself.

"What are you looking for?"

The old man startled, knocking a candle onto the floor. A frantic wave of Merlin's hand extinguished it before any harm was done.

"Merlin!" Gaius admonished out of habit, then glowered at the pot in his ward's hand. "What were you doing with the pot? I need that to make dinner!"

Icy fear spread through Merlin's veins and froze him in the doorway.

"Well don't just stand there – give me that pot!"

"I- I brought you some food from the kitchens." He slowly walked to the table and set down the plate, not sure how to react.

"Oh, well... thank you." Gaius looked stunned, sitting and happily tucking into the fine food. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"I, um, ate earlier." He squirmed under his guardian's stare. "Goodnight, Gaius."

He fled to his room, stomach too unsettled for the bread and apple.

* * *

A night of scouring his spellbook had revealed no likely magical cause for Gaius' behavior, but that didn't stop him from casting a few cleansing and healing spells over the sleeping man in the early morning hours.

He didn't want to admit it, but this probably wasn't just a temporary affliction brought on by some curse or hex. Gaius had always had the occasional incident of forgotten words or misplaced items, but Merlin had put that down to old age. Lately, however, they were getting more frequent and more serious. What if that had been a patient's medicine he'd mixed up? Merlin shuddered and wrote a note informing Gaius he would take care of the rounds – he'd need to double check everything the physician had done the previous day.

He avoided thinking about what he'd do tomorrow and the day after that.

The gurgling of his stomach reminded him that time was ticking on and he shoved last night's bread – now hard – into his mouth as he filled a basket with the tonics for Gaius' regular patients. He'd have to come back to collect any additional medicines while Arthur ate breakfast.

Casting one last worried glance at his surrogate father, Merlin left to begin the day.


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing unusual happened for the rest of the week and Merlin allowed himself to think that maybe it _had_ simply been a lack of sleep – not that he stopped checking the potions or making sure Gaius was to bed early with a proper meal in him. He'd only found errors that first day, though they had required him to work straight through lunch making new potions as Arthur's laundry magically cleaned itself in the background. He took to asking Gaius about his patients over dinner so he could keep track for himself who would need deliveries the next day. This is how he discovered the next problem.

"So how was Lydia today?" Lydia was the baker's new baby; she'd been born two days ago - nearly a month early. She seemed to be healthy, but still needed to be checked regularly.

"Lydia?" Gaius gave him the eyebrow as if _he_ were the one losing his mind. Merlin's heart clenched.

"The baby you delivered Saturday; the baker's daughter?"

The physician shook his head. "I think I'd remember that – his wife isn't due for another month! Now stop making up stories and eat your food."

"Oh, ehm... I forgot Arthur wanted me to take a look at a bruise he got during training." He snatched up the healing kit and dashed out the door. "Goodnight, Gaius!"

He would have to start visiting all the patients himself; that much became clear when he discovered that the baby had not been seen since she'd been delivered. Being very small and thin, Lydia had developed slight hypothermia despite the warmth of the season. Merlin dosed her with a tonic and instructed her mother to always keep the baby wrapped in blankets, preferably by a fire or closely held, until she gained more weight. On his way back to the citadel Merlin mentally reordered his schedule so he could fit patient visits into the time allotted for the rest of his out-of-castle duties. He'd have to do his regular chores with magic, but surely it was worth the risk?

Perhaps he should talk to Gaius about retiring. Arthur could have George do most of the chores so he could take on more physician duties; it had always been tacitly assumed that he was going to take over his mentor's work one day so why not now?

Merlin had just resolved to bring it up over breakfast when Gwaine came jogging up to him.

"There you are! Arthur wants you to prepare for a patrol tomorrow – something about a magical beast in the forest. We'll be leaving early."

"Of course," Merlin frowned. He'd be up all night checking the potions, packing, and making sure breakfast was ready for Gaius.

"No need to be so excited, Merlin!" Gwaine clapped him on the shoulder and walked with him to the citadel. "See you in the morning," he winked and left for his own quarters.

* * *

The patrol had been completely routine; they'd ridden out, Merlin had defeated the creature from behind a tree, and Arthur had crowed in victory. He'd not been able to properly respond to the king's teasing afterward – too worried about what was happening at home and utterly exhausted from too many sleepless nights with extra duties. Having to sneak around Gaius made it ten times worse.

Arthur had eventually given up, frowning at his friend as they returned home in relative silence.

After seeing to Arthur's gear and evening meal, Merlin secured some soup for Gaius and brought it up to their chambers only to find the older man missing. It was possible he had taken longer today without Merlin to make the deliveries, but he had a bad feeling about this. That feeling only increased when he spied the basket he had neatly packed the night before, completely untouched. Where was Gaius?

A quick consult with the guards at the bottom of the stairwell told him that Gaius had left in the afternoon with an empty basket. Praying that his surrogate father had not left the city, Merlin searched the market – though most of the shops were now closed and there were few people. One vendor did recall seeing Gaius head toward the gate, however, and Merlin's worry escalated. Unfortunately, the guards posted at the gate now would not be the same as when Gaius would have left – he would just have to take a chance and proceed as if his mentor were in the forest. It would be more dangerous to assume the opposite, especially with the sun about to go down.

Merlin struck out along the faint path Gaius had shown him the first time he'd gone herb-picking, watching carefully for signs of recent passage. There were some bent plants and the occasional snapped-off stalk – good signs.

"Gaius!" He called every now and then as he proceeded along the path, finding nothing until he reached a small clearing where a basket half-full of herbs lay abandoned. "Gaius!"

There was no reply, but he gradually became aware of a soft noise in the background. Someone was crying.

"Gaius?"

Merlin pushed aside a shrub and saw his guardian huddled behind it, his sobs ending in a hiccup as he saw who had found him.

"Merlin?"

"Gaius, are you hurt?" He couldn't see anything wrong...

"I- no, no... I'm... I got lost."

He sounded intensely embarrassed and confused, though Merlin barely noticed through his own fear.

"It- it's alright, Gaius. I'll take you home."

Once they had returned and finished dinner, Merlin tucked Gaius into bed and cast a spell to ensure his sleep would be undisturbed. Whatever this was, it was progressing too far. Something had to be done.

He took a deep breath, settling his hands on the old man's head with fingers splayed. Slowly, gently, he directed his magic into Gaius, seeking out any signs of disease. It wasn't long before he found them.

His magic balked at the wrongness of these spots in Gaius' brain; they felt... closed off, lifeless. Merlin drew back for a moment, calming himself. He needed to be in complete control for this.

Merlin sent a more steady stream against the mental walls, breaking them down piece by piece. Once the first wall was down, however, another obstacle was revealed. It felt like some sort of maze - thought trails that led nowhere or entirely too many places. Steeling himself, he set to work untangling the paths and smoothing them, trusting his magic to fix what had gone awry. He felt a spell roll off his tongue, but paid it no heed.

Until recently he would not have had the confidence to do this, but when Arthur had been poisoned it had simply happened out of necessity – and now he relied on it.

He gave his magic free rein, sitting rigid in place until every snare had been undone and every wall removed. Grunting at the stiffness of his body, Merlin stretched and looked at the grey sky of pre-dawn with dismay. Another night of rest was lost, but it had been worth it. He yawned and looked longingly at his bed. He could probably get away with an hour's sleep...

Merlin was snoring before he'd even gotten his legs on the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

"If you sleep any longer the king will send his hounds to retrieve you." Gaius' brusque voice informed him.

Merlin groaned and rolled over; the stiffness had only gotten worse. Still, he smiled at the reproach in the physician's voice. Gaius hadn't woken him in weeks.

His vision wavered as he sat up in bed but he paid it no mind. What more should he expect after days of burning the candle on both ends – physically, magically, and emotionally?

"Coming, Gaius." He clawed his way out of bed and stumbled into the main chamber. A simple breakfast of bread, cheese, and fruit lay on the table and Merlin helped himself to some of each. "I'll make the deliveries after I've given Arthur his breakfast."

"Thank you, m'boy," Gaius smiled. "That will give me more time to check on Lydia and see if she's been getting enough nourishment. Poor thing will freeze if we can't get more meat on her by winter!"

Merlin's heart soared. This was the first time Gaius had remembered Lydia since delivering her. He'd done it!

"I'll see you tonight, Gaius," Merlin beamed and would have skipped off to the kitchens if he'd been able to walk properly.

Arthur's mood, however, only got darker when he saw how cheery his manservant was.

"Well I'm glad to see your night at the tavern has left you in such high spirits, _Mer_ lin."

"What? No, I wasn't in the tavern; I went-"

"I don't want to hear your excuses," Arthur growled, shrugging Merlin off when he attempted to straighten his collar.

"You should eat your breakfast, Sire; you'll feel better."

The king's gaze was sharp as his head snapped toward his servant's.

"You think this is about breakfast? Not everyone's problems are as petty as yours!"

Merlin paused at the harsh tone, trying not to feel hurt.

"What is it, Arthur?"

Arthur clenched his fists as if he wanted to send them through someone's face, then slowly relaxed. It was clearly a struggle.

"Yesterday, a friend of Guinevere's died." Arthur stabbed at the food on his plate, avoiding Merlin's gaze. "It was Gaius' fault."

Merlin took a sharp inhale; he felt as if he may pass out. _No, it couldn't be..._

"What makes you say that?"

"He gave her a potion yesterday, but it wasn't the right one. She- her husband told me she said it tasted strange, and not long after that she was dead. They couldn't read the bottle, but I could. Merlin, he gave her poison." Arthur finally faced him, but Merlin wished he hadn't. He looked so conflicted – _broken_. "How am I supposed to tell Gaius he killed someone – that I can't let him work anymore because it may happen again?"

"No! It- it..." Merlin scrambled for something to say but his fuzzy, panicked mind could only come up with one excuse. "It was my fault." Which it was – he'd never thought to check if Gaius had made any deliveries yesterday when he found the prepared potions still there; in fact, he should have made sure someone else would do them while he was away. Yes, Gaius had handed out the wrong bottle, but that wouldn't happen anymore. Camelot couldn't afford to be without Gaius now that he was better.

"I've been making the deliveries lately and I must have misread that one. I- I am so sorry, I-"

"No." Arthur stood abruptly, tension clear in his features as he turned away. "This is not something you can simply apologize for, Merlin."

The servant bowed his head, breathing heavily. "I understand."

"Do you?" Arthur faced him, expression pained and deeply sad. "I'm sorry, Merlin, but I can't let this go unpunished. Your carelessness cost someone their _life_."

Merlin flinched violently, a striking headache accompanying the motion.

"I'm going to have to put you in the dungeon for this."

The warlock's breath hitched. "Of course, Sire."

Arthur placed one hand on Merlin's shoulder and the younger man looked up in surprise.

"Go and tell Gaius you'll be accompanying me on patrol, then see the dungeon master."

"Arthur?"

"No one else will hear of this - I don't want Gwaine beating down the door to get you out."

His joke fell flat; there was no amusement to be found in this situation. Merlin vainly attempted to swallow the lump in his throat.

"I'll just... go, then."

The king nodded and Merlin staggered out the door.

* * *

Arthur watched his friend leave, heart heavy. He knew Merlin could be clumsy at times, lazy even, but he never expected something like _this_. He sighed.

Guinevere and the husband would be told – it was only right – but no one else need know. Arthur was certain Merlin would already be feeling poorly enough without the weight of other peoples' reactions. Someday their lives may depend on trusting Merlin as a physician; it would do no good for doubt to be introduced now. Arthur was confident this would never happen again.

Breakfast completely forgotten, he sat at his desk and composed a missive for the dungeon master informing him that Merlin was to be treated well and his presence was to be kept quiet. No visitors were to be allowed during his week-long stay. He could have medical texts to study upon request, but nothing else to pass the time.

Arthur thumped his head against the desktop. How could this happen?

He didn't know, but everything about this made him feel sick.

* * *

Merlin made his way back to Gaius' chambers, heavy with more than exhaustion. If only he'd-

His shoulder crashed into the wall, shaking him from his brooding. He allowed himself to rest against it for a moment before sighing and continuing on his way. There would be plenty of time for contemplation in the dungeons.

"Gaius?" The physician was seated by the fire, dozing over a book. Merlin smiled fondly at his guardian, placing a hand on his shoulder to wake him.

_WRONG!_

His magic screamed at him, flaring up in response to the illness it had battled for several hours the previous night. Merlin staggered back stunned and dismayed, then sent a tentative probe back into the sleeping man's brain. It was a small snare, nothing compared to what had been, and he smoothed it out quickly – but how had it come back so quickly?

Frowning, Merlin decided to let Gaius rest. He left a note explaining that he would be away and left it on the workbench before making sure that Gaius' deliveries for the day were in order. Clearly he would have to slip out each night and check on things.

Tears sprang to his eyes but he blinked them back, wishing the tightness in his throat were as easy to banish.

His grim demeanor ensured his trip to the dungeons was uninterrupted.


	4. Chapter 4

Despite his intentions Arthur was unable to speak to his wife or the grieving family before departing, they had left the city to hold a service and mourn in private for a short time. Guinevere would return the next day but delaying the patrol would throw everything off schedule and make Merlin's absence obvious.

This particular group was mainly new recruits; Sir Leon was the only veteran among them.

"Merlin staying to help Gaius?" Leon asked, giving Arthur the perfect excuse. He nodded, keeping his expression smooth.

"I've noticed he's been helping a lot more recently, which can only be good – Gaius is getting on in age."

Arthur cleared his throat and was saved from having to reply by the arrival of the group's horses and gear.

"Alright, men; mount up and we'll be off." Arthur commanded, ignoring Leon's eyes on him as the patrol moved out.

* * *

Being imprisoned should have been the perfect opportunity to rest and recover but instead Merlin spent his days desperately combing through Gaius' library one book at a time, finding nothing but ever-growing hopelessness.

His nights were spent sneaking out of his cell via the small window and dragging himself up the stairs to Gaius' tower to check on the man himself as well as his potions for the next day.

Each night the disease grew more resistant to his magic until, on the fifth night, it had no effect at all – not that Merlin hadn't stayed until the light of predawn came through the windows and he hadn't the strength required to walk back down the stairs.

He discovered this particular weakness by tumbling down the entire staircase, gaining bumps and bruises by the handful. Luckily he'd only had to distract two guards on the way back to his cell window, not that that saved him from complete collapse upon landing on the dungeon floor. He barely managed to reseal the bars before passing out.


	5. Chapter 5

Arthur led the procession through the gates, all the worries he had shed during the course of the patrol returning as he looked to the citadel and thought of Merlin – and moreso when Guinevere came out to meet him.

He broke the kiss sooner than he would normally, whispering into her hair.

"We need to talk."

Her brow furrowed in concern but she nodded, taking his hand and walking beside him back to their chambers.

"Arthur?"

He secured their chamber door and took a deep breath, releasing it as a heavy sigh.

"Where's Merlin?" Fear was in her eyes now and he hurried to waylay it.

"Merlin is fine! Well, he isn't hurt... exactly... ah, he's been in the dungeon while I was away."

"What?" Guinevere was starting to look angry now.

"No! No, it's not what you think! Well, I don't know what you think, but... let me start again."

He gently maneuvered his wife into a chair and stood awkwardly at the other side of the table, avoiding her eyes.

"It wasn't Gaius who gave the poison to your friend; it was Merlin."

"Arthur, that's impossible."

"I know it's hard to believe, but he told me himself. He didn't do it on purpose, but-"

"No, Arthur, I mean it is actually impossible. Clarice died in the early afternoon, _before_ the two of you returned."

Arthur gaped at her.

"What?"

"Oh, Arthur, don't you see? He was trying to protect Gaius." She moved to his side and rubbed his arm. Arthur found himself confused as to why she was suddenly comforting _him._

"But why? If Gaius is a danger-"

"He probably doesn't want to believe it himself. Do you remember how you felt when your father was ill?"

And the fact that they were still referring to it as "illness" said everything, really. His heart twisted at the thought of Merlin going through what he had.

"I- I need to go." He turned, banging into the table as he rushed to release his friend.

The trip took too long, yet once he was outside the cell he found himself hesitating. What could he say?

He swallowed, grateful that Merlin seemed to be asleep and oblivious to his conflict – though slumping against the wall like that couldn't be comfortable.

"Merlin," he called softly as he unlocked the cell door, effort wasted by the screeching of the hinges.

Still, Merlin didn't stir.

"Merlin?" He was worried now, swift steps taking him to his servant's side where he knelt.

Arthur shook Merlin's shoulder, causing his head and limbs to flop unnaturally. When he saw the younger man's lifeless features panic gripped him.

"Guards!"

The two who had been standing watch in the corridor responded in unison.

"Sire!"

"You," he pointed at the guard on his left, "make sure Gaius is brought back to his chambers if he isn't there already."

"Sire," the man bowed and ran off.

"Help me take him to his room," he instructed the guard who remained, taking hold of Merlin's legs.

They made good time, shocked servants and nobles making way for the trio as they traveled the hallways. Gaius' chambers were empty when they arrived.

"We'll set him there," Arthur canted his head in the direction of the patient bed and soon afterward laid Merlin upon it. "Go and fetch some fresh water for the physician."

Heaven knew what Gaius always wanted it for, but he never failed to ask; better to have it ready ahead of time.

With the exit of the guard Arthur found himself with nothing to do. After spinning in place a few times, hands fluttering over this or that but never doing anything, he sat on the stool beside the cot.

Merlin looked terrible. Even with his face smooth in unconsciousness he was haggard. His hair – well, that was often disheveled, but it showed signs of having been yanked in frustration as well. He had dark circles under his eyes and his lips were badly chapped; he smelled as if he'd slept in a pile of refuse for a month. Uneven breaths whistled through his half-open mouth.

"What have I done?" He muttered the words under his breath, but Merlin stirred a bit.

"Merlin?"

Empty blue eyes stared back at him for a moment before confusion started to form, Merlin's brow wrinkling.

"Wrr'mm I?"

Arthur frowned at the attempted speech.

"Just lie still, Merlin. Gaius will take care of you."

As Merlin's eyes closed once more Arthur awkwardly patted his arm and tried to comfort him.

"Gaius will make it all better."

But would he? Arthur found doubt eroding his confidence. He would have to keep a close eye on the physician. In fact...

A clatter in the doorway announced the return of the guard with Gaius in tow.

"What happened?" Gaius rushed to his ward's side, checking Merlin's eyes and body as Arthur tried to watch without seeming suspicious.

"I don't know - I found him like this in the dungeon." Arthur flinched at his admission; now he would have to explain why Merlin had been in the dungeons instead of on patrol.

"Was he injured before being imprisoned?"

Arthur blinked, confused by Gaius' cool demeanor. Yes, it was fairly normal for the physician, but when Merlin was concerned...

"I- I don't believe so, but I don't know how he could've gotten like this in only a week."

"Did no one feed him?" Gaius raised an eyebrow at the guard, who hastened to defend himself.

"He got three meals a day! Better than he usually gets, no doubt," the man blushed as he realized the implication of his words, " -meaning no offense."

The elder waved him off.

"What was his crime?"

"What?" Arthur couldn't understand Gaius' casual tone; or was he simply assuming it was nothing to worry about?

"I see little point in treating him if he is to be executed, young man; now what is his crime?"

The king's lips flapped silently a few times before he could work up an answer.

"N-none; it was a misunderstanding."

Gaius glared at them fiercely before turning back to his patient.

"I'll thank you all to get out of my way; I'll call if I have need of you."

Arthur gestured to the guard and the two of them retreated to the corridor, moving a short ways off before conferring. The guard he had sent after water nearly walked into them a moment later and Arthur motioned for him to leave the buckets on the floor.

"I want the two of you to travel to Weston and bring back their healer; can you ride?"

They both nodded.

"Take two horses. Don't run them into the ground, but travel as quickly as you can."

After bowing in unison the two took off at a run, leaving Arthur to face Gaius' wrath alone. He steeled himself for more hostility, gathering the buckets before reentering the sickroom.

Gaius turned and regarded him in silence for several heartbeats, then squinted at the water in the king's hands.

"It's about time you brought that! Set it here," he waved at the floor next to Merlin's cot.

Arthur was shocked anew at this behavior and had complied before even realizing he'd moved.

"We need to get him cleaned up – who knows what manner of filth caused this stench." Gaius' face wrinkled in distaste as he pulled off Merlin's neckerchief and tossed it aside. "Well don't just stand there; make yourself useful!"

Bewildered and more than a little frightened, Arthur helped the elder remove Merlin's clothing and stepped back whilst Gaius bathed him with a wet cloth. Without the concealing fabric his friend's appearance was even more shocking.

Merlin's ribs were clearly visible and bruises in various stages of healing darkened his sallow skin. The phrase "stretched too thin" came to mind and turned his already unsettled stomach.

"This didn't happen in a week."

Gaius raised an eyebrow at him.

"And who said it had? This is clearly the result of many weeks of overwork and deprivation – possibly longer." The physician set aside his cloth and drew a blanket over his patient who had begun to develop gooseflesh in the relatively warm room. "Stoke the fire and see what you can do about getting these cleaned," he kicked the pile of clothing, grimacing at the smell, "or burned."

"Ah..."

"Now."

Not knowing how to properly approach the situation – let alone Gaius' glare – Arthur poked at the fire, took the clothes, and stepped out.

What was he going to do?


	6. Chapter 6

Having thrust the wad of clothing at the first servant he came across, Arthur had then gone to his chambers and paced. But he couldn't leave those two alone for long. Besides, he was the one in command here, not Gaius - even if the elder didn't seem to recognize that fact. He marched back out into the corridors trying to pull together a plan of action. Nothing much for it, he'd simply go back and... find the infirmary empty.

"Gaius? Merlin!"

The door to the back room creaked as it swung slightly on its hinges and Arthur opened it fully, relieved to find Merlin in his bed. Well, _on_ his bed. A little.

Merlin sat on the edge of his cot, torso drooping over his legs which were partially through a fresh pair of trousers.

Half-starved and barely able to move, yet he still decides his energy should be spent getting dressed.

Comforting as it was that Merlin had apparently been awake and able to travel a short distance, Arthur had to wonder where Gaius had gotten to in all this. Still, his absence may be a boon at this point.

Merlin snorted in his sleep and Arthur rolled his eyes, wrestling the blanket out of the way before maneuvering his servant so he was properly on the mattress and under the blanket.

"Now stay there." He huffed, pulling the stool from beside the desk and taking up watch.

...

Clattering in the main chamber startled him from his daze some time later and after making certain Merlin was still asleep in his bed Arthur went to investigate. Gaius had returned, a bundle of pots dragging on the floor behind him.

Releasing his burden and nudging it aside with one foot, Gaius smiled up at Arthur.

"Ah, Uther! So eager to have me relieve you of your coin that you're coming to me now? Let me find my dice; I've been a bit forgetful today..."

Arthur hadn't thought he could become any more horrified, but it seemed whatever was afflicting Gaius was determined to prove him wrong.

"You have a patient." The words were out of his mouth before he could consider the wisdom of sharing this knowledge. Honestly, he may be too shocked to think until further notice.

"Then I'd best take a look." Gaius shuffled toward the back room, pausing in the doorway to squint at the furnishings in suspicion before catching sight of Merlin.

As far as Arthur could tell Gaius was doing a proper examination - peeling back Merlin's eyelids, listening to his chest, and so on – but he kept a sharp eye out regardless. Once he was done Gaius sat for several moments with one hand on his ward's head, seemingly deep in thought. Arthur fidgeted in the doorway as the silence dragged on.

"So..."

The physician shook himself, looking at the king with reproach before standing to give his report.

"It seems to be an extreme case of exhaustion; he must have been running himself into the ground for several days. He certainly hasn't been eating enough, and he's been using entirely too much magic."

Arthur's gaze darted to the door, panic striking him at the thought of someone overhearing.

"That can't be right-" he tried to cut off any further dangerous talk but Gaius was continuing, clearly caught in some memory.

"It's just like that time Nimueh-"

"Merlin doesn't have magic." Arthur said, emphasizing each word as if he were speaking to a simpleton.

"Oh?" Gaius turned, clearly surprised. "I thought perhaps he was one of your spies, the way you have him tucked away up here... Then perhaps he's been cursed? I'll have to consult my books and see if I can find something."

Arthur let him go, remaining in the store room as the physician shuffled off, muttering to himself. There were some revelations he'd have to take a closer look at later, but for now he'd have to focus all his attention on keeping Gaius out of trouble. The man was clearly caught in the past - sometime before the purge. Not even half a day with the ailing physician and already Arthur felt exhausted; no wonder Merlin had- he turned aside from those thoughts before guilt and worry could distract him.

He adjusted Merlin's blankets a few times before accepting that he really should be keeping an eye on Gaius. He opened his mouth but soon realized he had nothing to say to his friend, lying there still as death, and instead left in silence.

Gaius was leafing through the first book on a stack of several, muttering to himself as he went.

"Gaius..."

The old man looked up, his innocent anticipation of Arthur's words making the king feel guilty.

"You're right; he is one of my spies. That's why I'm going to have to ask you to stay here and make sure he's safe."

That dreaded eyebrow rose, accusing him soundlessly.

"If that is your command, Sire. I trust you will have servants available to see to my needs?"

"Em, yes... of course. I'll post some guards outside as well."

Gaius nodded, turning back to his books.

Arthur fidgeted in place, not knowing what to do next.

"Did you need something else, Uther?" Gaius peered at him over the top of his glasses.

"I... suppose not. I'll have someone here to help you shortly."

Gaius waved him out, nose already back in his research as Arthur rushed out.


	7. Chapter 7

"I don't know what to do, Guinevere." Arthur pulled at his hair as he paced the length of the room for the fifteenth time since arriving back in their chambers.

"Well you can start by helping me with my dress." The queen turned and gestured at the ties she couldn't quite reach on her own.

"This really isn't the time for-"

" _Arthur._ It's best to keep this knowledge to the smallest number of people for now, is it not? Then I will be the one to go and assist Gaius - you know I have experience – and I can hardly do that in one of these gowns."

Blushing at his misinterpretation, Arthur tugged at the lacing until the fine velvet was loose enough for Guinevere to step out of, watching as she pulled one of her old homespun dresses from the back of her wardrobe. He'd insisted she didn't need to keep any of the rough clothes from her simpler days, but it seems she hadn't agreed. Just as well; he didn't like it, but this seemed like the best approach for the time being.

"Be careful," he helped settle her bodice in place and kissed her neck. "Don't hesitate to call the guards if he becomes violent."

Guinevere spun around and kissed him in return.

"I'll be cautious."

Arthur nodded, resting his forehead against hers for a moment before letting her go to the infirmary.

He had some guards to question.

* * *

Arthur scowled into his goblet, both the wine and the dinner it accompanied lay untouched.

Despite scaring the wits out of several guards he was no closer to discovering the reason for Merlin's condition. All of them swore Merlin had been provided three meals a day, though one admitted that some of the food was often returned along with the dishes.

" _This is clearly the result of many weeks of overwork and deprivation – possibly longer."_

Wine sloshed onto his hand as he slammed the goblet onto the table, not that he noticed – even when George started sopping up the mess.

_"He must have been running himself into the ground for several days. He certainly hasn't been eating enough, and he's been using entirely too much-"_

Arthur growled, frightening George in the act of replenishing the lost wine. He'd been asking around and everything he'd heard confirmed that Merlin had been kept running day and night, covering Gaius' duties as well as the chores Arthur doled out.

How had he not noticed that his best friend was fading away right in front of his eyes?

Except he _had_ noticed. The missed banter on patrol, the efficient obedience... and when was the last time he'd seen Merlin smile? He'd made a small attempt at talking about it, teasing Merlin about how serious he'd been lately, but the servant had dismissed the discussion with a few harsh words that left Arthur more certain than ever that something was wrong – and even less willing to ask about it again. Why had he been such a coward?

He pushed his chair back from the table and was about to dismiss George for the evening when he realized the servant had already gone – probably sent away by Guinevere, who was now watching him with a sheen of tears in her eyes.

"Guinevere?"

"What happened to him, Arthur?"

He didn't know if she was asking about Gaius or Merlin, but either way the answer was the same.

"I've no idea, but we're going to find out."


	8. Chapter 8

Soft knocking woke him in the morning and Arthur frowned, not able to remember getting into bed.

"Sire?"

Finding himself still fully clothed with Guinevere nowhere in sight he sat at his desk and ran a hand through his hair.

"Enter!"

One of the guards he had sent to Weston stopped just inside the door and bowed, Arthur glimpsed a second person waiting in the corridor.

"Sire, we've returned with a healer as you requested."

He gestured toward the door and an elderly woman moved to stand beside him, bowing. She looked familiar, but Arthur couldn't place her. Perhaps she'd come to help Gaius before?

"This isn't Weston's healer."

The guard ducked his head nervously.

"Begging your pardon, Sire, but she was assisting when we came to see him – says she knows Gaius." He fumbled with his belt pouch, pulling out a rumpled letter. "The healer sent this along, supposing you'd want to know about her skills."

Arthur accepted the parchment, skimming through it. If anything this woman - Alice- seemed to be a better choice than his original target.

"You've done well; take the rest of the day off to rest."

"Thank you, Sire!" The guard bowed again, then twice more as he left the chambers. The woman fidgeted with her braid.

Arthur rose, looked out into the corridor, and closed the door before facing Alice.

"Do I know you?"

Alice jumped slightly, releasing her hair and smoothing out her skirt before responding.

"I have aided Gaius before, Your Majesty; perhaps you have seen me one of these times?"

Arthur nodded, putting it from his mind.

"I have called you here because of a serious matter – one that must be handled with the utmost discretion. Can I trust you in this?"

She straightened, looking him in the eye for the first time since entering the chambers.

"Of course, Your Majesty."

Arthur held her gaze for several moments before nodding once more.

"You will assist Gaius – not just with his patients, but also to keep an eye on the man himself."

"Sire?"

"He has been acting unpredictably, forgetting what he's doing, who other people are... yesterday he thought I was my father and started talking about- well, he was saying some things that would be dangerous for himself and others if they were overheard. You must not take such things amiss and no one else is to hear of them."

"I swear it, My Lord."

"You will not be watching him at all times, of course, as his other duties will need filling and you will be given time and space to rest. I will assign trusted assistants who will report to you all they observe, and when- when Merlin is better he may be able to give you more insight on the matter."

"Merlin?"

Arthur couldn't read the strange mixture of emotion on the woman's face and thus decided it was confusion.

"Gaius' ward; you may have met him on an earlier visit."

"Yes, Sire, but is he ill?"

Sighing, Arthur paced along the table, nudging a chair into place with one foot as he went.

"That will be your secondary responsibility. Merlin appears to have exhausted himself covering for Gaius. He'll need to be watched and cared for."

"I understand, Your Majesty."

"Good." Arthur led her toward the door. "You'll be given whatever aid you require; you've but to ask."

"Thank you, Your Majesty; I will take good care of them." She curtseyed.

Arthur attempted to respond but found his throat too tight. He cleared it and tried again.

"Thank you."

He called a servant to lead her to the infirmary before wandering over to his window, brooding as he watched the courtyard below. It was fairly empty as the morning was still young, but he knew it would be bustling soon.

His bed tempted him to crawl back in and ignore everything that was happening but instead he sat at his desk, determined to get some work done before George's arrival could remind him Merlin wouldn't be delivering his breakfast any time soon.

_Maybe not ever._

A scowl etched itself into his face and remained there until he had finished angrily signing a stack of documents.

_Merlin will_ _be fine._

_Everything will be fine._

He'd just begun to believe it when George appeared with breakfast.


	9. Chapter 9

Two days had passed since Alice's arrival and things remained much the same. Merlin had not woken and Gaius continued to live in his own world. Guinevere often stopped by to help personally, bringing reports back to Arthur - who was busy but mostly stayed away due to guilt and a distinct lack of desire to see more of Gaius in his current state. The man had been more of a mentor in Arthur's younger years than his own father had been; he wasn't used to seeing him vulnerable.

The royal couple took comfort in each other when there was nothing they could do but provide the occasional helping hand or basket of provisions.

Then Merlin stirred.

Gaius was asleep thanks to a potion Alice had made to calm him; they'd had to slip it into his afternoon tea but it was worth the moments of peace. The physician had gone into a rage that morning when he wasn't allowed to go out, the arrival of a sumptuous lunch and the efficacy of Alice's brew being the only things that prevented anyone from coming to harm.

Arthur had been called in to help and now sat with Merlin while Alice had stepped out to collect herself.

"Arthur? Am I late?"

Merlin's voice was raspy and quiet but it got his attention immediately.

"How are you feeling?" He frowned at his friend, who was groping for the cup of water on his bedside table.

"If I say 'terrible' can I have the day off?"

Arthur huffed. At least Merlin's attitude was intact.

"You've already had several days off, _Mer_ lin."

Merlin frowned, remaining silent for a long period. Arthur was almost convinced he'd fallen back asleep with his eyes open when he responded.

"I don't think being in the dungeon counts, _Sire_."

Arthur looked away, eager for something to look at aside from the result of his stupidity.

"Merlin, I-"

"It's okay, Arthur. I understand why you had to-"

"No. Merlin, I know you weren't responsible. You should have been honest with me, but I... I should have realized it wasn't possible for you to have done that."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Arthur."

"That's not what I meant. We weren't even here when it happened, Merlin."

There was a hitch in Merlin's voice when he replied, practically whispering.

"I thought I had fixed him."

Arthur sighed.

"So you did know something was wrong."

"He's been... forgetting things. Not acting like himself. I- I made some medicine for him and it helped, but now it doesn't seem to work any more."

Something in his tone made Arthur look back and he was startled to see tears running down Merlin's face. Where was Guinevere when she was needed...

"It... it's going to be alright, Merlin." He reached out and patted his friend's leg, motions stilted. "I've called in someone else to help. She should be back to take a look at you soon."

Merlin crossed his arms and looked away.

"I'm fine, Arthur. I just need some rest."

"Merlin, you've been 'resting' for the better part of a week now without waking. I think it's a bit more serious than that."

"A week?" His voice squeaked as he said it and he coughed, finishing off his cup of water and returning it to the table with a shaky arm.

"You should have asked for help instead of running yourself into the ground to cover for Gaius. This isn't solely your problem to face."

Merlin grunted, closing his eyes.

"We can talk more about this later; you go back to sleep."

He must have already done so for no retort was forthcoming.


	10. Chapter 10

Alice returned and looked over Merlin, confirming that he appeared to be improving though she could tell no more until he woke. Gaius continued to sleep despite the noises of coming and going as Guinevere replaced her husband.

"Shouldn't Gaius be awake by now?" She wrung her hands, biting her lip in a way she hadn't often done since becoming queen. Alice patted her arm.

"He is ill; I'm sure the rest will do nothing but good – though we may have to wake him soon if he's to sleep at all tonight."

Gwen nodded, moving on to Merlin's room and leaving soon after seeing he was also asleep.

"Is there anything you need? Herbs? Books? Food?"

Alice gave her a slight smile. There wasn't much that could be done at the moment, but she understood the need to be active and helpful.

"If you would be so kind, I wouldn't mind someone else preparing the evening meal for us. A hearty broth would be good for Merlin if we can rouse him long enough to drink it."

Guinevere nodded and took her leave, intending to do as much of the work as the cook would allow.

Alice heard rustling in the back room and opened the door to see Merlin struggling against the weight of his blanket and mumbling.

"No... Gaius... Gaius!"

Something creaked behind her and Alice turned in time to avoid getting shoved aside by Gaius as he moved to the back room, eyes still half-closed as he shuffled slowly to his ward's bedside.

"Merlin, it's alright. It's just a nightmare." He yawned, batting away Merlin's weak flailing arms.

The warlock grasped onto his mentor's robes and Alice gasped at the sight of gold shining faintly through closed eyelids.

Gaius stepped back slightly, shaking his head as if he were dizzy, and his eyes landed on her.

"Alice? What are you doing here?" He sounded worried, but the smile on his face showed how he really felt.

Tears built up in her eyes; this was the first time Gaius had recognized her since she'd arrived.

"I came for a visit – and to help out while Merlin is ill." She nodded at the boy on the cot and Gaius whirled to face him, putting one hand on his surrogate son's forehead.

Merlin was now still and silent, paler than his un-dyed bedclothes.

"What happened?" Gaius peeled back one eyelid after the other, continuing his examination as Alice moved closer and put a hand on his back.

"I believe he overextended himself both physically and magically."

"What has the fool boy done now?" Gaius muttered, though there was no bite to the words.

Alice hesitated, uncertain as to how much she should reveal.

"I... Gaius." She waited until he turned to look at her. "You've been ill; he's been trying to hide it, but Arthur found out and called me here."

"Ill?" Gaius frowned.

"You've been... forgetting things. Important things." She motioned to the main chamber. "We should let him rest."

Gaius nodded, casting a final glance at Merlin as they closed the door behind them.

"I am an old man, Alice. As much as I hate to admit it, forgetting things is not uncommon."

"It's not just age, Gaius. Sometimes you don't even know where you are. Do you know how long I've been here? Three days. Three days and this is the first you've recognized me." She was crying in earnest now but payed it no mind. "You threatened to throw me out yourself this morning; we had to sedate you."

Open-mouthed, Gaius stumbled backward into the table and sat on the bench.

"I would never..."

"But you did." Alice walked forward and took his hands, staring until he met her eyes. "Is there anything you can tell me about how you've been feeling? Any ideas about what may be causing this? Merlin told Arthur he had found something that helped you but it stopped working. Do you remember what it was?"

Gaius glared at his hands, wrinkles increasing as his frown deepened.

"There is a theory about... about..." He rubbed his brow, then began kneading his forehead. "Blood and the brain? I- I don't remember. Alice, I can't remember."

Their eyes met and Alice set aside the problem of his illness for the moment, wrapping her arms around him and focusing on treating the man.

"Hush, my love. We'll get through this."

They were still like that when Guinevere returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay, folks. It's been busy times over here between a big trip (which was great), a last-minute move, and some other things. Life seems to be settling down now for the moment so hopefully the rest of the story will be regular updates. Anyway, please enjoy!


	11. Chapter 11

The moment of clarity had not lasted long, but it renewed Alice's determination. Following Gaius' vague recollection, she expanded her research to include diseases of the blood and its circulation. Books on the subject arrived in a steady stream throughout the next morning and she spent much time sifting through them.

Gaius was on his first sojourn outside since Alice's arrival; the queen and a pair of knights had gone out to the forest to collect herbs so she could have some peace as she studied. Merlin had yet to stir and she was beginning to suspect there was more to this than previously supposed. What was she not seeing?

She snapped another useless tome closed more harshly than was warranted, shoving it onto the growing stack of volumes to be returned to the library.

If only she could talk to the boy she was sure many questions would be answered and they could make some progress against Gaius' disease.

As if conjured by her thoughts, a groan sounded from the back room and she rushed to the boy's bedside.

"Merlin?"

His eyes opened the barest amount and he stared at her a moment.

"A-Alice?"

He started squirming, trying to sit up, but she put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's alright; I'm here to help... both you and Gaius."

Merlin froze, eyes fully open and focused on her.

"What happened?"

"Just relax." She righted his covers and sat beside him. "You collapsed several days ago and King Arthur sent for my help upon discovering that Gaius... is not himself. I've been waiting for you to wake so you could tell me what you know."

Merlin closed his eyes and sighed, sinking into the bed as he exhaled. Alice tried to be patient but it seemed he wasn't going to start sharing any time soon. Given the way they had met she couldn't place too much blame on him.

"Merlin, I know I didn't leave you with the greatest impression of me," he snorted as she plowed onward, "but I truly do love Gaius and I want to help him – and you as well if you'll allow it."

He stared at her in silence for several moments before releasing another loud sigh and scrubbing his face with one shaky hand. His voice came out barely louder than a whisper.

"Gaius has started forgetting things – big things. He'll get lost in familiar places or start making a potion only to turn it into dinner halfway through. I- I tried fixing it with my magic and that worked for a while, but it keeps coming back. I don't know what to do."

Alice's heart clenched at how lost the boy sounded; she hadn't given a thought to how this situation was affecting him emotionally. Perhaps they were more alike than not...

"What spells did you use?" She pulled herself up straight, gathering the armor of clinical detachment around herself.

"Ah... I, I didn't really use any." He turned his face away, cheeks warmed with a faint blush. "I can... well, I... I let my magic _flow_ into him and it does what it needs to."

A pause and he cocks his head.

"I think I did use one the first time, but I don't know what it was; it just... happens."

He fidgeted with his blanket as Alice stared at him.

"What did the illness _feel_ like?"

Merlin started, having expected disbelief or a lecture of some sort.

"It was, it was like a labyrinth in his mind... or perhaps a ball of tangled thread. Once the trails are smoothed out Gaius is well, but it doesn't take long for it to begin reverting and these... walls form. I'm sorry; I don't know how else to describe it."

Alice rested her head in her hand, one finger tapping as she thought.

"Gaius said something about blood and the brain; what if the blood flow to his brain is poor and it's causing these problems somehow? These 'walls' that you felt – could they be the cause of the tangles?"

Merlin considered this nodding slowly.

"It did feel as if the tangles were all behind the walls, but what can we do about it? My magic barely helps at all anymore no matter how much I use."

Alice gave him a wistful smile. Just like the young to throw more power at a problem rather than stop to think. That explained why he was so exhausted – and possibly something else.

"Merlin, did you use your magic yesterday when Gaius came to wake you?"

His brow furrowed.

"I- I don't remember. It..." he shifted under the sheets, avoiding her gaze, "it's sensitive to the disease now. I can always sense its presence when I touch him and my magic just... it wants to help as much as I do."

Alice nodded.

"We may have to keep the two of you separated or you may never recover. It seems you weren't even properly conscious when your magic helped Gaius yesterday." She reached out and patted the boy's knee. "I thank you for that; it was good to see him even if it did not last long. Still, we can't have you passing out every time he touches you – not to mention the..." She gestured vaguely at her eyes and Merlin got the picture.

"Right. I'll, em, try to be careful."

"Good." She stood and shuffled toward the door. "I've got more research to do; I'll send a servant in with some food for you."

"Alice, I-"

She turned and he looked her in the eyes, expression pinched.

"Thank you. And... I'm... sorry about the way I acted last time."

She nodded her acceptance of the apology, opening the door and looking back at Merlin.

"I am as well."

She closed the door behind herself. They may never be friendly with one another, but it seems she and the boy had come to an understanding.

Now to see what answers her new knowledge would bring...


	12. Chapter 12

Since Merlin had begun to properly recover, Alice gave him the task of finding an appropriate treatment for Gaius' symptoms while she continued her research on the root of the problem. Despite her instructions that he not do any magic, Merlin had enchanted a poultice for Gaius' bed which gave the old man restful sleep and helped keep him calm throughout the day. Alice appreciated the results, but it made her a bit anxious about what he was doing behind his closed door while she worked and Guinevere kept Gaius entertained.

They'd decided that the best approach would be to act as if Merlin were not there, that way they wouldn't have to come up with reasons why the two couldn't touch each other - or why Merlin was there in the first place. Meals and check ups would take place while Gaius was sleeping, which was like to happen more often under the influence of Merlin's magic.

She'd just gotten Gaius into bed early when Guinevere arrived with Merlin's dinner. She savored the few moments to herself while the two friends visited then, once the queen left, went in to see what the boy had discovered.

"...So I think if we gave him some lemon balm or sage that may help the- uh, the tangles, and then cinnamon to help blood flow." Merlin whispered, pointing to the books spread open before him.

He had presented his findings well, having written some notes about what he'd tried previously that hadn't worked and comparing a few alternate treatments which may have poor side effects or interactions.

"This Eastern text suggests ginseng and gingko biloba but it's unlikely we would be able to procure those and-"

Merlin was fidgeting with the books stacked on his bed, flicking the corner of his note page, and Alice could sense a stream of babbling coming on so she rested a comforting hand on the boy's arm.

"You've done well, Merlin. This should help greatly."

He blushed and looked away, mumbling "I hope so."

She patted his arm and gathered her skirts to stand.

"He's lucky to have you. Now get some rest; you're still on the mend."

Merlin huffed but couldn't deny the fatigue pulling on his eyelids.

"Goodnight, Alice."

"Goodnight, Merlin."

* * *

The first two days hadn't been too bad; he'd had his research to focus on. Now, however, he was swiftly growing impatient with his forced rest. If only Alice hadn't seen how dizzy enchanting that poultice had made him he might have a little more freedom now...

He sighed. Truthfully, he had _tried_ to get out of bed and at least study at his desk but he hadn't even been able to push himself to his feet. His arms and legs felt like weights hanging off of him and even sitting up in bed was a chore. But that didn't make the situation any less infuriating.

He tried to sleep during the day, knowing he would only have visitors when Gaius was himself resting, but it had been a largely fruitless endeavor. He couldn't even vocalize his displeasure for fear of discovery and its potential unwanted consequences.

Squirming in discontent did tire him out physically, but did nothing to occupy his mind and he found his thoughts drifting in an uncomfortable direction.

As much as he wanted to believe they would find a cure for Gaius' affliction, there was a large possibility they would at best only be able to slow its progression. Though even if a miracle did occur... Gaius is an old man, if it this didn't... well, there would be something else. He'd long avoided thinking about this, but someday Gaius would die – and it was likely to be sooner rather than later.

He felt tears building in his eyes and his mouth twisted at the thought. Gaius had been his mentor and guardian for almost a third of his life; it was hard to imagine going on without him.

Merlin felt a sob clawing its way up his throat and turned his head to muffle it with his pillow. A particularly large tome was perched on the edge of the cot and he clutched it to himself, gripping the cover so fiercely the leather squeaked.

_You're an adult now, Merlin; you should be able to handle this. Surely you're used to people dying by now..._

Another muffled sob.

_It's different. This is Gaius._

Merlin let the tears flow, mourning a man who wasn't quite lost yet, until he fell into a fitful slumber.


	13. Chapter 13

Arthur listened at the door, trying to ascertain if Gaius had gone to sleep yet. His plans to enter in more regal fashion were foiled when Guinevere opened the door, surprising both of them as he stood in a slight crouch with ear cupped.

"Arthur?"

He could hear the mirth in her voice but at least she managed to not laugh.

"Are they both sleeping?" He whispered, straightening his jacket.

"Gaius is. I was just about to send for Merlin's dinner so if he's asleep it would be good to wake him."

"Right." He'd heard how they'd decided to keep the two separate since Gaius' unpredictable moods made it dangerous for Merlin in his helpless state. "I'll just let myself in then."

Guinevere smiled and patted his arm, moving past him and down the corridor a short way to a guard's post.

Arthur took a deep breath and let it out slowly, nodding at Alice as he passed her on his way to the back room.

"Merlin?" His soft knock and inquiry garnered no response so he eased the door open and stepped inside, carefully latching it behind.

Merlin was sleeping, a large book clasped to his chest. His eyes were red and puffy, the remains of tear tracks shown on his cheeks. Arthur shuffled uncomfortably at the sight. If he left now...

But of course Merlin chose that moment to wake, releasing the book so that it fell to the floor with a thud that woke him more thoroughly.

"Arthur?" He scrubbed at his eyes with one stiff hand.

Arthur nodded, clearing his throat and looking away.

"Did you need something?" His servant rasped. Arthur huffed.

"Can't a king inspect his domain without falling under suspicion?"

Merlin arched an eyebrow at him.

"Alright; I came to see how you're getting on. I can't take much more of George's terrible jokes."

"You could tell him to shut up – he'd probably never say a word again." Merlin's lips twitched. It was only a slight smile, but it lifted Arthur's spirits immensely.

"True, but then I couldn't use him as a messenger." He posed with fingers on his chin, pretending to weigh his options. "No, I'm afraid you'll just have to get better and come back to work."

Merlin's face fell and he was now staring at the cupboard as if he could see through it to Gaius' bed.

"No need to worry, Sire, I'll be back to pulling you out of bed any day now."

A passable comeback, but the delivery had been flat. Arthur inched closer, hand not quite reaching out. He'd almost successfully initiated a comforting gesture when his sweet, beautiful wife arrived with a bowl of stew.

"Good evening, Merlin!" She beamed at him, completely breaking the heavy mood.

" 'lo Gwen." Merlin tried to push himself up but needed help to make it all the way. Arthur seized the opportunity to change his previous motion, snatching up a spare blanket and using it to prop Merlin against the wall.

"Well I'm sure you've got this handled." He kissed Guinevere's cheek, not quite looking back to Merlin as he bid him farewell. "I expect to have you washing my socks before the week is out."

Merlin snorted, not bothering to look up from his meal.

"Goodnight, Merlin."


	14. Chapter 14

As the next day passed Merlin was ready to start tearing his hair out from sheer boredom, but some relief came when Alice announced he needed to start getting exercise again – though it turned out to be rather different than he had hoped. Gwaine appeared behind her, all smiles and a gleam of mischief in his eye.

"Merlin! It's good to see you!"

Gwaine had visited soon after Merlin's collapse but had been kept away by his duties since then.

"Good to see you too, Gwaine..." he looked at the pair with suspicion and Alice stepped forward to explain.

"As you do not yet have the strength to move about on your own Sir Gwaine will be assisting you."

Merlin felt his face heat a bit but he stayed silent - no use refuting what was obvious to everyone. His embarrassment only grew as the exercises continued and his own involvement shrank. He'd been able to put some of his own power into them at first but by the end it was simply Gwaine lifting him and flexing his joints. Even then he was sore and exhausted by the time Alice called a halt.

Gwaine visited for a few moments while Merlin drank a restorative potion then bid them goodnight.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he winked and slipped out the door.

Alice waited til he'd left the main chamber before placing a hand on Merlin's knee.

"There's no need to be disheartened. You're making good progress."

Merlin huffed but said nothing and Alice patted his leg.

"You'll be getting heartier meals starting tomorrow - that should help. As for your restlessness during the day..." Merlin colored once more, "you are well enough that you could be moved to another room in the castle provided it is close."

Merlin considered it, but ultimately decided he had to be nearby in case something happened with Gaius.

"No; I'll stay here."

Alice nodded, pouring Merlin a cup of water before taking her leave for the night.

Merlin laid awake thinking for some time before the night's exertions caught up to him.

* * *

With the rising sun came absolute torment. His muscles screamed at his every move, no matter how small, and he could hear Gaius haranguing Alice in the next room. The medicine they'd created to slow his symptoms would not be potent enough if prepared as or mixed with food or drink but Gaius was adamant that he was not ill and would take no potions. He was certain Alice was trying to poison him and got so worked up they had to remove Alice, sending in Gwen soon after to see to his needs with the excuse that it 'was too dangerous for him to go out with persons making attempts on his life'. He accepted her presence well enough but Merlin worried that her medical knowledge might not be enough to prevent Gaius from getting into trouble.

Merlin ached to renew his enchantment on the poultice, but his physical aches prevented that even if he could have evaded watchful eyes.

He heard breaking glass followed by shouting in the main chamber, then the unmistakable sound of an incantation and Gwen's voice. Merlin struggled to get out of bed, grunting and straining until he freed himself from the mattress – and fell on the floor. Both voices ceased for a moment before Merlin heard Gaius' uneven gait approaching his door, Gwen right behind him with appeasements on her lips.

"Wait, Gaius-"

"Unhand me, wench!"

There was a surprised cry and a thud followed by sounds of a struggle and muffled yelling. What was happening out there? Merlin redoubled his efforts to stand, having only managed to pull himself into a sitting position thus far.

There was a clatter and chorus of shouting as the guards entered the main chamber and Merlin flopped back onto the floor, panting. Once the noise had died down and he'd regained some breath he called for Guinevere.

The door popped open and she peeked in.

"Oh, Merlin! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine; how are you?" He scrutinized her appearance – ruffled but seemingly unharmed.

"He didn't hurt me, Merlin." She smiled, motioning a guard in to help him back onto the bed and tucking him in herself despite his protests and flaming cheeks.

"What happened?"

"I'm afraid I broke something and he was... displeased."

Merlin sighed.

"I meant _after_ that."

"Oh! Alice gave me a potion to take care of him should he become unruly. All I had to do was pour it on a rag and hold it over his mouth and nose. I didn't know it was so potent – he nearly knocked me over when he passed out!"

Merlin knew the potion; Gaius would likely be snoring well into the next morning - depending on how much he'd breathed in. He wanted to ask about the spell he'd heard Gaius casting but it didn't seem to have been completed and Gwen's nervous fidgeting implied she was hoping he hadn't noticed. She hadn't even looked him in the eye throughout the whole conversation.

"I'm glad you're alright." He held her gaze for a moment before looking away. "Perhaps you should-"

"If you're going to suggest I stop coming then you can stop talking now."

Merlin, having been Gwen's good friend for some time now, knew he'd best never broach the subject again and quickly changed his words.

"No, no, of course I wouldn't say that. I just wanted to suggest that you trade with Alice. Gaius is like to be out for quite some time and probably won't remember this when he wakes."

Guinevere sighed, looking off into the distance for a bit.

"Perhaps you are right." She bent over and kissed his forehead, smoothing his fringe afterward. "I'll send Gwaine to keep you company."

"That's not-" she lifted an eyebrow at him, "thank you, Gwen."

She nodded, then winked at him as she made her exit.

Merlin watched her go, knowing the incident had affected her more than she let on. Such a facade was necessary for a queen but he missed the days when they could simply hold and comfort one another. At least she had Arthur and he had... well, there was always Gwaine. He groaned at the thought of having another "exercise" session. Perhaps they could forgo that considering the day's activity?

Alice soon arrived alongside Gwaine and one look at the knight's face shot that idea out of the sky. He was clearly excited that he could contribute to his friend's recovery and Merlin wouldn't deny him that – at least not this time.

"Let's get to it, then," he grumbled.

Gwaine was only too happy to comply.


	15. Chapter 15

Gaius was irritable the next morning but didn't seem to remember the previous day's upsets, allowing Alice to work beside him without comment. She and Merlin had decided to wait until he was in better temper to try administering the medicine again, unable to come up with a satisfactory alternative to having him drink it voluntarily – barring magic, of course. Merlin hadn't even been able to complete the suggestion before Alice forbade it, causing an increasingly hostile disagreement that was only cut off by Gaius mumbling complaints in his sleep.

Merlin was still sulking the following evening when there was a commotion in the main chamber, someone entering with more noise than he'd been accustomed to as of late. Gaius greeted the newcomer with greater cheer than Merlin had heard from him in weeks.

"Sire! Is something the matter?"

There was a slight screeching sound as someone moved a bench or stool.

"Gaius, it has come to my attention that you have been enchanted." Arthur's voice sounded lower and more rough than usual – was he trying to imitate his father?

"I, Sire? That's-"

"Part of the enchantment is that you do not realize you are enchanted. Here; look at yourself."

There was a shocked gasp and several moments of silence. Merlin was beginning to get anxious. Had Arthur actually found something out? What was happening out there?

"I'm so old!" Gaius despaired.

"Which is why you need the treatment. I've had it prepared for you, but it will take several doses to work."

Shuffling as people moved about, probably Alice retrieving the potion.

"The whole thing?"

"Yes, Gaius."

...

"That is vile. Was that sheep's brain I tasted?"

If circumstances were different Merlin would have laughed at Gaius reacting the way he himself often had when presented with Gaius' concoctions.

A clapping sound and Arthur was on his way out.

"That's settled, then. I expect your full compliance on this, Gaius. We can't be certain all of the effects of this enchantment were so innocuous as some grey hair."

"Silver at least, Sire." Gaius protested.

A snort.

"If you say so, Gaius."

And a door closed.

"You know, if you added some honey the taste wouldn't be quite so repulsive."

"Ah," Alice answered, "but the effect wouldn't be quite the same."

"Perhaps, but you could enhance it with a touch of magic. I know a spell that could-"

"Oh no, the balance is too delicate for that, Gaius. Don't you worry, I and another physician have worked very hard on this."

Gaius complained some more about the taste before beginning to question Alice on the nature of his enchantment. Merlin struggled to keep listening but between his lingering soreness and exhaustion and the relief of knowing Gaius had at least taken his first dose, he drifted off.

* * *

"Still lazing about, then?"

Merlin startled awake, blinking up at Arthur.

"I was going to thank you but you look so smug I don't want to anymore." He grumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I was rather brilliant, don't you think?"

Merlin snorted. "It was Gwen's idea, wasn't it?"

Arthur's smile only faltered for a moment.

"It was a... team effort that may have included people aside from myself."

"Not much of a team if it's just you."

Arthur dropped a pillow on his head.

"Oi!"

"Guess I'll just have this nice dinner taken back to the kitchens then. Though I suppose I'm really the only one who should eat this seeing as it's a meal fit for a king."

Merlin thrust the pillow aside, sitting up as much as he could to take in the plate set before him. Several slices of scrumptious capon sat atop what looked to be potatoes with something green poking out from beneath the black sauce that covered it all. It was a much smaller amount of food than "a meal fit for a king" but it was the richest plate Merlin had ever had presented to him.

"Is this really for me?"

He'd tried to keep the longing out of his voice but must have failed judging by the surprise he saw flit across Arthur's face before being replaced by a familiar grin.

"Well, it _was_ but it seems you'd rather sleep the evening away." Arthur took the plate and turned as if to go.

"No no, we can't have the king taking care of meals like that; you'd probably get lost on the way to kitchens. I suppose I'll just have to eat it." He couldn't stop staring at the food; the smell was driving him mad.

Arthur laughed, balancing the plate on Merlin's lap.

"Just eat it before you drown in your own drool."

Merlin was too busy savoring the food to retort. Even the fact that he _could_ feed himself now went unappreciated in the face of such delicacies.

More laughter as Arthur mussed Merlin's already unruly hair.

"Good to see you're recovering. I have several pairs of boots waiting for you."

Merlin grunted, completely focused on his meal.

"If I had known it was this easy to shut you up... I'll see you later, Merlin."

He was just about to shut the door by the time Merlin realized he was leaving.

"Arthur!"

He poked his head back in.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

Arthur smiled and ducked back out.

Ultimately not much had happened that day but Merlin was filled with hope for the future, more hope than he had had since his magic stopped working on Gaius. Even another exercise session would not ruin his mood and Gwaine was pleased to see the smile on his friend's face when he arrived shortly after Merlin had finished licking his plate.

Perhaps things would be alright after all.


	16. Chapter 16

Several days passed; Merlin grew stronger but Gaius hadn't improved at all. Arthur had had to show up and convince the elder to take his medicine nearly every day but, on the other hand, he didn't seem to have gotten worse and hadn't had any more violent outbursts.

Merlin sighed. He was supposed to be able to go out today, taking on light duties, but he wasn't sure he wanted to see how Gaius would react to him. It was a miracle he'd stayed out of sight this long – due mostly to the fact his room had been storage for seldom-used supplies before Merlin had moved in and either Guinevere or Alice would always volunteer to retrieve any items Gaius had expected to be there.

Gaius' mind seemed to have permanently returned to a time before the purge. It was a relief to know something of what to expect when interacting with him, but terrifying to know the sort of things Gaius could start doing or saying at any moment.

"Merlin?" Alice knocked softly on his door - an unexpected bit of consideration from someone who had been entering unannounced at any time of day or night. "Sir Gwaine has taken Gaius out for a short trip to market; would you like to eat breakfast out here?"

Merlin took a deep breath, pressing his eyes shut as tightly as he could for several moments and then forcing himself to relax.

"Coming."

He ate his breakfast in silence, eyes drinking up the sight of the familiar room he hadn't really been able to see since his collapse. He spotted several things that had been rearranged - either by Gaius or in consideration of his state.

Alice drifted around the room, avoiding Merlin's gaze for the most part. She was tense and kept fidgeting, opening her mouth to speak a few times but saying nothing.

Eventually she settled into grinding herbs at the workbench as Merlin finished his meal by the fire. He was just about to offer his assistance when he heard clattering in the corridor. Gaius must have decided it was pot day again.

Alice rushed to open the door and stood clear as Gaius and Gwaine entered, both laden with pots that they carefully set down in the corner. Merlin made himself small, trying not to bring attention to his presence.

"Can never have too many pots!" Gaius proclaimed, thumping Gwaine on the back. "Thank you for the assistance; this enchantment has my bones creaking!"

Gaius laughed as he lowered himself onto a bench and stretched his back.

"My pleasure, Gaius. I'm afraid I have to get going now." His eyes flicked to Merlin and he smiled, giving a slight wave. "I'll come back later so you can beat me in another round of dice."

The elder chuckled and waggled his eyebrows. "I look forward to it!"

"Gaius, you have a visitor..."

Turning at Alice's voice, Gaius caught sight of Merlin for the first time since entering. His whole face lit up and he approached with open arms.

"Balinor!"

Merlin went rigid, barely managing to return the embrace as Gaius greeted him heartily. Of the ways he predicted this could go _that_ was not one of them.

"Good to see you! And look, I was right – you're starting to fill in a bit. Still a ways to go but you won't be skin and bones forever."

A wobbly smile fought its way onto Merlin's face as Gaius thumped him on the back.

"R- right. Of course you were correct, Gaius."

"Come now, no need to be so formal! Take a seat and tell me what that dragon of yours has been up to."

White as marble, he lowered himself onto a bench and shot a beseeching look to Alice who cracked the door and whispered to the guards outside before returning her attention to the physician.

"Now Gaius, don't badger the poor lad. I'm sure the king will be summoning him shortly; he just popped in to get a tonic."

Gaius raised an eyebrow.

"Nonsense; Balinor's tonics are nearly as good as mine." He turned back to Merlin. "Come to brag about all the ladies you've enchanted this trip?"

"Gaius!" Merlin barely managed to splutter out his protest before the elder was laughing at him.

"Oh, I know you would never."

Merlin was saved by a knock on the door.

"That must be the king's messenger. Here you are," she pressed a vial into Merlin's palm and shooed him toward the exit, "and be off with you. You can visit after your official business is over."

"Ah, yes." Merlin fumbled the vial but managed to catch it, making for the corridor. "It was... nice seeing you, Gaius."

"Don't let Uther keep you too long!" Gaius called, voice still light with mockery.

Merlin was only too glad to secure the door behind himself, moving out of the guards' sight before leaning on the wall and pressing his forehead against the cool stone.

What was he going to do about _this_?


	17. Chapter 17

Merlin had wandered the corridors aimlessly, lost in his musings for who knows how long before finding himself at Arthur's door. _Of course_ his feet would bring him here.

It was suddenly intimidating. Should he knock? Did he usually? It had been so long everything felt surreal and he found himself questioning things that had once been second nature.

His thoughts pulled him under again and the problem was solved for him when his head thumped against the door and it drifted open.

Merlin frowned. Honestly, can't he even latch the door for himself?

Well, the door was open now and the room was probably empty given the lack of comment from inside.

The creak of the hinges made Merlin realize he'd been standing there staring at the open door for several minutes without moving and he huffed at himself, pushing the door open the rest of the way and marching in.

Empty, just as predicted. Well, if you didn't count the mess. Had Arthur chased George away?

No matter, hopefully the familiar chores would be soothing.

 

* * *

 

Arthur returned from council to find his door slightly ajar. The guards would have to be reprimanded for their lax security.

He had pulled his sword and was about to use it to nudge the door open, prepared for a surprise assault, when he heard unintelligible muttering from inside. Familiar unintelligible muttering.

"Merlin!" He slammed the door open with a wide grin on his face that he barely managed to erase before the man in question whirled around, one hand on his heart and the other raised in a rather ineffective defensive pose. He'd have to correct that later when Merlin was fit for sparring sessions again. As fit as he ever had been.

Merlin scowled at him.

"Why'd you burst in like that? I could have killed you!"

Arthur laughed. "With what, the scrub brush? You weren't even holding it!" He walked in and dug his knuckles into Merlin's hair. "So eager to get back to work you came on your own as soon as you were released? I may have to give you a raise if you keep this up!"

The scowl only deepened as Merlin turned away, pretending to focus on shining Arthur's spare boots.

"Come now, aren't you even a little happy to be out?"

Arthur waited, watching Merlin's back as he sighed and put the boots down.

"... Gaius didn't recognize me."

Arthur felt like he'd had a bucket of cold water tossed on him. He'd grown accustomed to interacting with Gaius under the guise of a strangely happy version of his own father and in his elation at seeing Merlin well he hadn't even stopped to think what would happen when the two met again.

"Merlin, I-"

There was a sniffing sound and Arthur froze. _Not more crying..._ He scanned the room for a distraction, growing more frantic when Merlin gave raised his arm to wipe away the tears and snot.

"I... I know this is hard but I'm certain you and Alice will find a solution. Guinevere says Gaius has been doing well lately."

Merlin scoffed. "For a man who's stuck in the past."

"Merlin-" he reached a hand out to his friend's shoulder only to have it knocked away as Merlin rose and fled out the door. His shock held him there for a moment before he followed, turning down the corridor only to make an abrupt stop when he found Merlin standing like a statue with eyes fixed firmly on the floor.

"I don't have a place to sleep anymore."

Arthur sighed. _This_ was something he could fix.

"I've had the chambers next to Alice's made up for you. I'm afraid we couldn't move any of your things but perhaps after Gaius is asleep for the night- ooph!"

His breath puffed out when Merlin pulled him into a tight hug before releasing him just as quickly, mumbling 'thank you' before running off toward his new quarters.

Arthur watched him go, heart heavy.

_I just wish I could do more_.


	18. Chapter 18

Merlin latched the door behind himself, half-collapsing against the wall before allowing himself to slide down to the floor.

"Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He punctuated each word by knocking his head against his bent knees.

He should never have expected anything different. Gaius hadn't recognized _anyone_ ; why should he be special? Honestly he should be used to this; it shouldn't get to him anymore.

Right. He should think of it as an opportunity to find out more about Balinor.

_How am I going to keep this from Arthur?_

Though, knowing that dollophead, he might not even recognize the name if he heard it. Still, Gaius in his present state wouldn't hesitate to talk about magic or dragons at any point.

"Arrrrrgh!" He ruffled and tugged at his hair, stamping his feet. He'd been having these same thoughts over and over since leaving the infirmary and hadn't made any progress.

A tinkling sound pulled his attention to the vial that had been dislodged from his belt and he realized for the first time what Alice had handed him – a sleeping draught. Well, he'd likely be needing that tonight but it was a bit early.

He picked up the potion and rose to place it on the table – it, a bed, and a singular stool being the only furniture in the small room. It wasn't much but it was all he needed for the time being. His fingers itched for his magic book, but he knew he'd long since exhausted any relevant knowledge it held.

_Pull yourself together, Merlin. You can't go falling apart at every little thing._

Merlin smacked his cheeks, willing himself to focus. He hadn't checked the secret room in the library yet – couldn't very well request _those_ books from the guards while he he had been in the dungeon – so that would be his first stop. Come evening he would hopefully have something to share with Alice and he could figure out how to proceed from there.

He stared at his sparse surroundings, eyes settling on the potion, then spun and exited the room.

* * *

Merlin didn't return to his chamber that night, having fallen asleep in the library, and when he showed up with breakfast Gwen gave him an earful for worrying everyone - though the effect was lessened by the pity in her eyes. She left just as Arthur awoke, complaining about the noise.

Forgoing a morning visit to Gaius he threw himself into his chores, straightening the royal chambers while the king ate. Arthur was acting as if everything were normal, complaining about council meetings as Merlin eyed the overflowing laundry basket. Before he could decide whether or not he'd make it downstairs with the load Arthur had snatched it up and forced it on the guards outside his door.

"See that this gets taken care of, will you?" He closed the door, cutting off the guards' startled replies.

"Sire-"

"You know, we can correct him if he doesn't recognize you. He can usually remember who Guinevere is now – well, he remembers her as a servant and seems to have made up some memories of the two growing up together, but he remembers who she is as a person. I'm sure if we-"

"And what if that doesn't work? That would be so much worse than... it's fine this way."

Red-faced, Merlin avoided the gaze Arthur leveled at him as the silence dragged on.

"If you're certain." Arthur turned to go, pausing with one hand on the latch. "If you change your mind just tell me."

Merlin shuffled his feet and nodded.

"And finish polishing my boots. You shined one half to death yesterday but the other is an embarrassment."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hey, good news everyone - this story has now been completely written and I will steadily post new chapters over the coming days. I apologize for the delay; this story got increasingly difficult to write due to personal reasons and the fact that I've been feeling a bit burnt out on Merlin.
> 
> Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to my American readers (and happy regular day to the rest); thanks for sticking with me


	19. Chapter 19

It was obvious people were avoiding mentioning Gaius in his presence, only speaking to him enough to offer congratulations on his recovery or offering him help with his chores. Still, they all had a painfully sympathetic look in their eyes and he'd caught snatches of gossip that were quickly silenced as soon as he came into view.

The nobility, on the other hand, didn't care who heard them and thus Merlin learned that the castle was well aware that something was wrong with Gaius. Everyone seemed to have their own opinion on what it was, exactly, but no one was fooled by the secrecy and pretend normality Arthur had constructed around the situation.

One group had been particularly chatty, one of them having noticed the queen visiting the infirmary in "peasant's garb" and expressing firm disapproval. Guinevere had long since learned to ignore such folk but there would always be those who disapproved of her heritage.

Still, no one was calling for Gaius' removal so the nature of his disease had clearly not yet come to light.

Merlin sighed, leaning his forehead against the cool wall as he took a moment to rest. He'd not found much in his searching yesterday, just a few spells that may supplement the effects of the drug – perhaps enough that they could make it into a decoction without losing efficacy. He would discuss it with Alice after Gaius went to bed. But for now...

He pushed off the wall and stared up the steps.

Could he visit with Gaius? His feelings on the matter were mixed.

"Ah, Merlin!"

He jumped as a hand clapped him on the shoulder.

"Just in time to join me! Come along."

Arthur pushed Merlin toward the steps, not removing his hand despite the latter's resistance.

"Em, no, I wasn't-"

The grip on his shoulder tightened as Arthur leaned forward to whisper.

"Just come."

"Ah... a-alright."

The trip up the stairs was awkward and Merlin could feel Arthur's eyes on him the whole way though he dared not try to interpret the meaning behind that.

"Here we are... haha..." he stopped outside the door. Was he shaking? It felt like he might be shaking.

Arthur thumped him on the back and entered the room with his typical flare, though the guard was the one to throw the door open for him.

"Gaius! I've brought company!"

"Brought someone to help you cheat – or to witness your third loss in a row?"

Gaius pulled a dice cup down from a shelf and rattled it, a roguish gleam in his eyes.

"Last time we were interrupted; it doesn't count. I was on a hot streak and you know it!"

Merlin shuffled his feet, not quite entering the room as the two laughed. Arthur glanced back and saw him hesitating.

"No, no, I've brought a third to liven it up – or we could start a game of gleek."

Merlin's eyelid twitched. Arthur could become insufferable when it came to gambling, and Gaius was going right along. He'd heard about how he'd been during the goblin incident, but could some of that have been his own inclination?

Gaius finally turned his attention to Merlin and the servant could see what was about to happen.

_Oh no..._

"Hello, Gai-"

"Balinor! Where's Uther been keeping you? I hadn't even heard of your return!"

Something crashed to the floor and Merlin dimly registered that someone else was in the room but he couldn't tear his eyes away from where Arthur had gone rigid in front of him.

"Oh, Gaius, that's-"

Gwen. Gwen was the other person in the room. Her voice shook Arthur out of his shock and he returned to thumping Merlin on the back.

"That's right! Fresh from the, eh, forest! Just got back."

Merlin could only stare, mouth open but no words forming.

"Well don't stand there like a fish, man – come here!"

Arthur stepped aside as Gaius enveloped Merlin in a hearty embrace he found himself melting into – until Gaius started patting his shoulders with rather more force than necessary.

"You've gotten even taller! Any more and Kilgharrah might refuse to carry you!"

The physician laughed and Merlin found himself joining in.

"You know he'd refuse regardless, even if he does wind up doing it even... tually." He tripped up at the end, remembering that others were present. Arthur, however, seemed busy setting up the game while Gwen had disappeared.

"Well come; we can talk while we play – it'll give His Most Gracious Majesty a chance at winning if we're distracted."

Arthur snorted and gestured toward the stack of cards.

"Go ahead and lift for the deal then. We'll see how confident you are when you're paying me tuppence."

"Admitting you've snuck the fours up your sleeve? No matter; you may have my tuppence and I'll take the ruff."

"Ah..."

Arthur and Gaius both raised their eyebrows at Merlin as he fidgeted with his fingers.

"I've not brought my purse." In truth it was still in the back room – not that it had much in it.

"No matter," Arthur dismissed his concerns with a wave of his hands and walked to the door, only leaving for a moment before reappearing with a full purse in-hand. "I'll not count this against you since it will be returning to me regardless."

Merlin stared at the full sack, likely containing more than he earned in a month.

"Did you just ta-"

"Enough talk; it's time to play! Now, shall we play pennies or are we men?"

* * *

Merlin closed the door behind him and collapsed on his cot face down. It had been an interesting day - fun, nerve-wracking, and utterly confounding.

He'd managed to win some coins off Arthur for whoever the king had "borrowed" the purse from and had learned some new tidbits about the relationship his father and Gaius – and Uther – had once had. Not that he wasn't on the edge of his seat any time he or Gaius said something Arthur shouldn't be hearing. Arthur, however, had seemed to dismiss it all – possibly being more concerned with whether or not Gaius was bluffing about his cards. The physician had been unreadable and won the vast majority of the bidding.

It had been fun, yes, but it had also hurt – and in unexpected ways. Gaius had never been like this with him. Was it because Merlin was so much younger? Was it just the effect the Purge had had on Gaius? Or was Merlin himself simply not enough?

He sighed. No point dwelling on it now, especially since he had to practice those strengthening spells for tomorrow.

_Focus, Merlin._

His candle burned long into the night.


	20. Chapter 20

Merlin hesitated outside the royal chambers, breakfast tray clutched in his hands. Though Arthur hadn't said anything the previous day there was no way he would let it go completely. He took a deep breath and willed the anxiety out of his face before pushing the door open.

Arthur was already at his desk and didn't look up, focused on whatever documents he was reviewing.

Good; maybe he'd be able to escape before the conversation started.

"So, Balinor."

Merlin's whole body flinched and the dishes rattled until he dropped the tray onto the table. At least he'd been close enough that nothing spilled. His mouth opened but he couldn't form any words.

Arthur still hadn't looked up but he continued speaking.

"We could still fix that, you know, but if we leave it too long he'll keep calling you that even if we try to correct him."

_Wait..._

"I went along with it since you said you didn't want me to interfere, but it clearly makes you uncomfortable – not that that isn't understandable. I was shocked myself by how much Gaius talks about... _certain things_ now but you have to remember that he's living in a different time. It has..." Arthur's head bowed even further, "it has made me miss my father- a part of him I never knew."

Merlin tried to swallow the lump that appeared in his throat. He hoped Arthur would continue but he was clearly waiting for Merlin to respond in some way.

"I, em.. n-no. It's... nice, in a way - to see how they were back then. It may be different, but I want to be able to enjoy my time with him. I want _him_ to enjoy seeing me."

It felt so final when he said it that way and he felt a pang in his chest. But the fact of the matter was that Gaius' time was likely short, even if this disease wasn't deadly.

Arthur's head bobbed but he still didn't look up.

"You're dismissed then; Alice requested your assistance today."

Surprised, Merlin gave a quick half-bow and left, missing the shrewd look on Arthur's face as he watched him go.

* * *

Today would be the first trial of the magically-strengthened tea to replace the potion. Merlin had enchanted it early this morning and Gaius was now drinking it without complaint.

Merlin found himself watching intently even though he knew results wouldn't be visible for days - if anything changed at all. Alice was guilty of the same, striking up a conversation when Gaius caught her watching.

"Balinor has volunteered to help you collect pots today."

Eyes wide and mouth flapping, Merlin tried to get Alice to take back her words but Gaius latched on too quickly.

"Oh? Trying to get in my good graces for some reason?" Gaius winked and nudged Merlin hard enough to push him off balance though he kept his seat. "I suppose I could put in a good word for you in my next letter to Hunith..."

"Gaius!" Merlin was beet red, cursing himself for still being shocked by the things current Gaius would say.

The elder only laughed and winked at Alice as well; she rolled her eyes and busied herself with clearing the table for the day's work.

"Well if that's settled then out with you both;" she made shooing motions with her hands, "you're in my way."

"Yes _mother,_ " Gaius huffed dramatically – earning himself a face-full of dirty rag when Alice threw it at him.

Merlin and Alice had a silent conversation, exchanging exaggerated expressions and gestures, as Gaius meandered into the corridor.

" _Are you sure?"_ Merlin whispered once Gaius was out the door.

" _It'll be good for him to get out."_ Alice replied, grabbing a small bag and handing it to Merlin before raising her voice, "And make sure you pick up those herbs while you're in the market – no lazing about!"

"Of course," Merlin nodded, knowing exactly which herbs they were using most these days.

"We'll be back for lunch!" Gaius called, sounding like he was already going down the stairs.

Merlin gave Alice another nod, then hurried to catch up.


	21. Chapter 21

It had been one week since they'd replaced the potion with the herbal tea and thus far there had been no measurable difference. Merlin had surreptitiously probed at the tangles in Gaius' brain after he fell asleep one evening (and it took all his strength to hold his magic back from doing more) and it seemed they had settled. They weren't exactly improving, but there was the occasional offshoot of new "thread" connecting the walled off parts of the brain. Alice thought these may be the new memories Gaius had created to explain things that didn't make sense in his current mental place – such as Gwen's existence and status. Whatever the case, the tangles themselves were getting no worse.

They'd tried a few nights without the calming poultice to see if Gaius would sleep as well without it but two violent outbursts in one morning put an end to that experiment.

Merlin began to feel an odd sort of peace creep over him; an acceptance that Gaius wasn't going to get better. Was it so wrong to feel relieved when – after more than a month of worry, working himself to exhaustion covering for Gaius and trying to find a cure – he realized there was nothing more he could do?

It seemed Arthur had come to the same conclusion as he'd been fairly radiating pity for the past few days just as Gwen had done ever since he'd been in recovery himself.

Thus it was that Merlin gathered himself along with Arthur's breakfast and started one of the hardest conversations of his life.

"I think we need to make Gaius retire."

* * *

After spending the better part of the day in discussion with Arthur, Gwen, and Alice (when she had time) the group had devised a scenario by which Gaius might be convinced to step down. They would put it to the test that evening over a group dinner.

It was during these discussions that Merlin learned of Gaius and Alice's current relationship. It stunned him that he hadn't even thought to ask.

Somehow Gaius had come to remember that he and Alice were engaged and, through some combination of knowledge and false perception, concluded that she was still young (since they had been about the same age). There were occasions where he did not recognize her due to this, but for the most part it seemed to work for him.

This plan would hinge on Gaius recalling their connection and the plans they had made in the past - or at least deciding to follow her lead.

Hoping the elder couldn't sense the tension running through the four of them, the conspirators sat down to dinner and struck up a friendly conversation about future plans. If Gaius thought it odd that Uther would sit at table with a servant he said nothing of it.

Determining Gaius was in good spirits, Arthur moved forward with the plan.

"Alice, I hear you might be reopening your shop in the lower town?"

Alice put her hand atop Gaius', giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Well, Sire, Gaius and I had talked about it but it hasn't come up for some time."

Gaius smiled at her and settled his other hand atop Alice's.

"I would love to serve the townspeople more closely, but I have a duty to the court as well."

Arthur pretended to give the situation some thought before answering.

"I can see no better way for you to serve Camelot than to serve her people. You have my blessing if you wish to do this."

Gaius' eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Sire, I- I will have to give it some thought. Perhaps after we are wed..."

Arthur pinned Merlin with a meaningful gaze and the servant cleared his throat, clutching his knees under the table as he delivered his part of the script.

"And when will that be? You've kept Alice waiting for quite some time now." He tried to keep his tone light and teasing but it came out with a slightly accusational feel.

Luckily Gaius responded with guilt instead of anger.

"Yes... well... Alice and I will speak of this tonight." He locked gazes with his love and the two of them fell into silence, apparently employing some sort of psychic lover's connection.

Guinevere, deciding to rescue her boys from the discomfort they felt in this situation, rose from the table and gathered the dishes.

"We'll leave you to it, then. Thank you for the lovely meal and the company."

"Of course," Gaius replied, not fully looking away from Alice, "the pleasure was ours."

The three made a hasty retreat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an epilogue left after this! Thank you guys for reading - especially those who left kudos and/or comments. I hope you've enjoyed this ♥


	22. Chapter 22

It took a week before Gaius agreed to move out of the castle and another week after that before the wedding took place.

They made it a small affair, just Gaius and those who already knew about his affliction along with a few other close friends. Geoffrey of Monmouth happily performed the ceremony.

Alice had kept ownership of her shop all this time but Arthur and Guinevere provided new furniture, tools, and other household goods as that and the living quarters in the back had been cleaned out by thieves in her absence.

Merlin's gift was given in secret after he helped the happy couple carry some things from the infirmary to their new home. For the past two weeks he'd been monitoring the state of Gaius' brain and had discovered he could tell when new memories were forming and disappearing. He'd devoted the week leading up to the wedding to perfecting a technique to make particular memories stick and had eventually succeeded. He'd have to renew the connection every so often and it took a very precise application of powerful magic, but Merlin would make sure Gaius could remember his wedding for the rest of his life. He'd originally hoped to fix Alice and their life together in Gaius' mind but it had proven too complex. Alice had been overjoyed nonetheless.

The official story was that Gaius had decided to retire, though he could still occasionally be consulted at the small clinic he and Alice had set up. He retained most of his medical knowledge and, with the aid of his daily medication, was able to do many of the things he once had so long as Alice was there to supervise.

Arthur had toyed with the idea of making his servant court physician, but it just didn't sit right with him – not that Merlin didn't have the capacity, that much had been shown already, but there was something in him that didn't want to give up their daily interactions. Those interactions would become more rare and filled with official business if Merlin were to take on Gaius' duties full time. And then one must consider how convenient it could be to have him along for extended outings... So, when Merlin put forth his own mother as a possible stand-in Arthur leapt at the chance. Despite his protests the title went to Merlin, since he had been Gaius' apprentice and was a known presence in the castle, but Hunith (as the new apprentice and assistant) did most of the day to day work.

It took a lot of convincing to get Hunith to come to Camelot, but she eventually gave in. She did not have quite the depth of Gaius' medical knowledge, and nearly none when it came to magical matters, but she knew enough to handle most ailments and Merlin was there to help with the latter – not to mention the large supply of books still lining the infirmary walls. Gaius had taken several volumes with him but that only meant that there were fewer stacks on tables and stools. On good days she would study directly under Gaius, when either he and Alice came to visit or she went to him.

Alice was a support to them both and, despite some lingering hurt regarding their first meeting, Merlin found himself looking after her in turn. With Gaius' condition still largely unacknowledged she had few to talk to – doubly so when it came to magic and the troubles Gaius could still get into involving those arts.

They never talked about it, but he had a suspicion that Gwen was also a boon in that area. Not once had he heard a word pass her lips about the things Gaius did and said while she was acting as his nurse, but he knew things had indeed happened. It seemed she'd kept it even from Arthur. It warmed Merlin's heart.

For himself, Merlin visited Gaius regularly - though he avoided going at the same time as his mother. He wasn't certain how Gaius would interpret their relationship, and he also didn't want to cause Hunith more pain than necessary. It was very different being with him now; not necessarily better or worse, but different. He enjoyed the friendly interactions they now had, but sometimes found himself aching for the mentor he had lost.

Arthur... well, he continued to visit Gaius as Uther and they would meet as a group for dinner or lunch on occasion, but outside of that his behavior was suspicious. He told himself he was being paranoid, but Merlin felt as if Arthur were trying to get him to confess. He'd bring up Balinor or some other topic Gaius mentioned, he'd drop hints – or so Merlin interpreted them. Did he know? Merlin was too anxious to ask; he tried to lay low and hoped Arthur would dismiss any ideas he may have.

Things had changed.

No one could tell where these changes were leading, but they'd find out - together.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter written as a holiday gift for LFB72 ♥

Arthur eased himself down onto the bench in Alice's kitchen, idly surveying the various herbs hanging from the ceiling as he waited for Gaius. He'd been preparing himself for this meeting for weeks, perhaps all the way back to the first time Gaius had called Merlin "Balinor". He could only hope it would turn out well now.

He'd been doing a lot of thinking and he's almost completely certain Merlin has magic; the only sticking point is where, how, and why the idiot would learn it. He couldn't ask Gaius directly, of course, but he had a few ideas he could test now that Gaius has become so open about the subject.

"Uther! Making yourself at home, I see." Gaius stepped through the curtain that separated the shop from the living quarters, smiling and slapping him on the back.

"Ah, but all of Camelot is home for the king!" He answered, forcing some jocularity past his sudden onset of nerves.

"Indeed, indeed..." he poured wine for the both of them and took a seat opposite Arthur. "So, what did you wish to speak about?"

"Oh, nothing much, just... curious... about magic and how it's passed on." He tried to sound nonchalant but the arch of Gaius' eyebrow implied he hadn't wholly succeeded.

"And what brought this on?"

"Oh, well..." Arthur fidgeted and avoided Gaius' gaze until the physician took pity on him.

"I've told you this before but it's no surprise you weren't listening." Gaius added some water to his wine as Arthur sat with mouth open, stuck between protesting and not knowing what to say. "Magic talent is inherited. If Alice and I were to have a child he or she would most likely have magic since we both do - someone with only one magical parent would have a lesser chance. However, there are some abilities that only manifest in certain ways. Take dragonlords, for instance. Balinor's talent will pass on to his first son, should he have one, after he himself dies."

That was a very strong support for one of his theories, though it introduced another issue entirely. Arthur leaned forward.

"So people _can_ gain magic later in life?"

Gaius shook his head.

"The ability is there at birth, but it doesn't always manifest until later. Some can use it from a young age while others may never gain the knack of accessing their gift."

_And now the most important point..._

"So you don't choose to be magic?"

"Well," Gaius drained his cup and refilled it with watered wine, "one can choose whether or not to learn, but that does not get rid of the potential. For some the magic will find its own way out if the person doesn't control it. As for those without the talent," he took another long drink, "there are items they may be able to use, vessels of another's power, but they will never be able to cast even the simplest spell themselves."

For some reason Arthur felt a small amount of disappointment at that.

"Not to say that they aren't magic in their own way."

Arthur looked up, brow furrowed in confusion, and Gaius explained.

"There is magic in all living things - some more than others. Sorcerers can produce enough to channel it out into the world, but most beings are more conservative. It may become a particularly bright smile, a touching song... even an exceptionally good sword-stroke."

Arthur snorted and Gaius laughed at him.

"Well, that is my understanding; I'm sure Alice or Balinor would give you a different explanation of that last bit. But I'd still be right."

Gaius winked and Arthur snorted again, relaxing more fully. This wasn't nearly so bad as he was expecting.

"So Balinor will have himself a brood of magic bratlings to look after, eh?"

"There is a chance they would not have magic aside from the dragonlord talent for the first son – especially since Hunith is no sorceress," the elder waggled his eyebrows. It amused Arthur no end that Gaius had been such a match-making busybody in his youth. "But I cannot imagine the Old Religion would not bless the offspring of so faithful a man. He puts the rest of us to shame."

Gaius slapped the table, startling Arthur out of his pensive mood.

"Enough about that; lets throw some dice before Alice realizes we've finished our chat."

Arthur smiled, drawing his purse from his belt.

"Alright, but we're using my set this time!"


End file.
